woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
