my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
