Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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