Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
