i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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