dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize