i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
