I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
