when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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