we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
