He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
