On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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