it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
