I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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