I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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