awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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