everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
