I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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