Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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