I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
