Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
