i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
