May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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