this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
