I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
