I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
