Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
