Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
