I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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