DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
