dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I forget how to act sober
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
