so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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