If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think your dad took our porno
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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