Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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