Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
