she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
