The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
