can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He called his prostate his "boner button".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
