She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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