O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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