If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
