In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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