I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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