Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
