You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
