I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize