we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
