Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
