Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
