she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
