Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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