Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
