I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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