What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
