His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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