if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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