he wants to bone in the snuggie
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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