three words: i give head
three words: not that well
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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