I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
