soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
