he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
