Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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