I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
