I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
