Cold hands, warm shart.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
