it hurts more in the daytime
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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