Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
