I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
