ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
