I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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