im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
