did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
