Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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