whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
