i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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