you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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