OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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