My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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