maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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