I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
