My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
