I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Houston, we have a squirter
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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