I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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