U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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