I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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