it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
