Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We don't watch enough power rangers
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
