I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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