I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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