new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
