So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
