First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
